Spring Break, Heart Break, & 13 years of Marriage

So, it's Spring Break. A glorious week, when students & teachers get a break....and some families, if they are lucky, get to make some memories by traveling or doing some fun stuff together. We look forward to this break, plan for this break, & expect this break. But tonight I am thinking of all the things that don't get a break; like employees in every other field besides Education; my foster boys - they don't get a break from the confusing, broken reality of them being with us - calling us mommy & daddy; financial burdens - those hang around; grief and devastating loss - they certainly don't take a break in the spring.

In particular, a dear friend of mine weighs heavy on my heart. While we may have plans to meet up and let kids play or what not this week -- her failing marriage, her devastation & her heartbreak is by no means sitting this week out.

It is unfortunate that most times people look around and compare and measure their marriage to what they think is the status of the marriages around them. It is a shame that so few of us are honest, and that so many of us succumb to this weird pressure to make their life, family, marriage, etc. appear to be great and grand with no issues (especially in front of others).

Kyle and I will celebrate 13 years of marriage a few days from now. I am pretty proud of that (kinda shocked by it too....I def don't feel old enough to have that notch in my marriage belt, but it is really true you guys!)

13 years is a pretty dang long time! We have worked hard for these 13 years and not without some very intense hardships. Of course, we have been blessed with some great highs, like 4 healthy babies born & a 5th on the way, plus an adopted daughter (and now son-n-law & granddaughter). We have shared joys of life with family & friends, but we have crawled through some pretty low lows too. From personal failures, financial issues, to a failed business that I used to fear would get the best of Kyle's sanity and health (it had already taken pretty much everything else - gosh those were very hard days!) Add on to that family death....lots of unexpected, tragic family death. And then just the normal challenges of parenting and the natural ebb and flow of a marital relationship... It has been a hell of a ride so far.  (Can I say hell here? I just feel like it fits best)

I wish I could shake my friend's husband by the shoulders and give him an earful. Marriage has seasons - and they aren't all fariytale-ish. There are times when you can be easily annoyed, when you can lose interest, even attraction; there are seasons when the stress & distraction of raising and providing for kids can leave you disconnected and isolated. There are times when your sin gets in the way. There are soul searching, discontented days, when you question everything you have got going on. There are tragedies that make you numb to everything, even the people you are supposed to love the most.... (I wish we were all sitting here together, throwing out scenarios, bc this list could literally go on and on)

Life is hard. Marriage is hard.

But that doesn't mean we give up or walk away. I hate the situation my friend is in right now. Some of you may be there too or maybe have been there. The rug is being pulled out from under her marriage and she (and her 4 kids) have no say in it. While we are spring breaking - her family is breaking. I just hate it.

Our marriages are worth fighting for. Don't be tempted to look around and assume everyone else's relationship is better than yours -- that is just not true. And if they say or imply that it is, then they are lying and you should hang out with someone else! Ha! (but seriously)

There are seasons! Really, really good ones and really, really terrible ones. (and in my opinion, the terrible ones actually make the good ones ever better!!) We are in this together! Get honest friends to do life with. Be encouraged - and encourage each other. You are not alone in your hard season! This too shall pass, and a better season is coming - we just can't give up!

I wanted to share a song of mine that I just love. I didn't actually write it when Kyle and I were going through a particularly hard season, it just kinda came out that way. But I love it - bc we have been there. We have both played the fool; we have both been desperate, and at the end of our rope. (If we are honest, I think we all have) This song is honest & vulnerable, but not without hope too; acknowledging that we can make it if we just don't give up! When I think of this song now, I think of my friend and it takes on a whole new meaning. I want so badly for them, for him, to fight for all they have and not give up; I know it doesn't always work out that way. But I am praying!

Feel free to download & share with anyone who you think could use the encouragement today.

Our words got mixed up tonight, we both lost this fight; I guess that's how it goes sometimes. The things we don't want to say - we said them anyways. So much for sleep tonight.

Before the sun goes down, let's turn this thing around.

Don't say goodbye, don't walk away. Don't tell me now that you can't stay, no. Come on, come back to me. Come on, come back to me.

It used to be so easy, but baby I think lately, it's always something new. So much at stake now, honestly I don't know how I'd make it without you.

Before the sun goes down, let's turn this thing around.

Don't say goodbye, don't walk away. Don't tell me now that you can't stay, no. Come on, come back to me. Come on, come back to me.

I know we can beat this, yeah, if we just don't give up this fight tonight.

Baby you and I, we can get it right, if we just try.

Don't say goodbye, don't walk away. Don't tell me now that you can't stay, no. Come on, come back to me. Come on, come back to me.